i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
