the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
