I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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