At least make sure they are 18
Why
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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