I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Come share oat with me in your robe
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
