Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
