ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
