i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
