i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My legs feel like baby dolphins
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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