have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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