My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Randomize
