I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
