I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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