I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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