I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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