1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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