3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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