I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
NoShamevember. You game?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
