u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
