Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's official drugs can't kill me
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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