I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize