You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
