I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
