I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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