I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
