I wish I could teleport
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
