I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
