So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Every concussion has its silver lining
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
