My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
