my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
