shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
