I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
