I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
