btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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