I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
