Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Randomize
