She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
