Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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