I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
