Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
