I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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