2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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