Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
