you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
