I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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