my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Success! We fucked roommates!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
