I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
