The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
