he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
