I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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