come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
