We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
