i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
