rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
