Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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