is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Two words: blizzard sex
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
